Responsibility Kicks In

You know, Farmer B is a responsible guy. He does all the responsible "man" things that you'd hope a husband would do. He makes sure we have every feature possible in our house alarm system, he makes sure both dogs get their heartworm pills on time every month, and he makes sure that we never run out of beer. But he skimped on the soil testing and tossed down lime and 6-6-6 on our garden anyway. That is until a trip to Lowe's this weekend to buy seeds for our August planting. After searching the entire garden center of Lowe's with no avail, we asked an employee where to find their seed packets. Her response "Seeds? This time of year? No, we only carry seeds in the spring" (insert condescending chuckle here).

Since we doubted that insanity we went inside the store to look around, when Farmer B saw something we couldn't live without: a "Do It Yourself" soil testing kit. Apparently soil testing is only for chumps when it involves driving around town looking for the soil testing office, but soil testing is for winners when it involves an intricate system of test tubes and hazardous colored pellets that you can do in your own home. So we are now the proud owners of the "Soil Master Soil Testing Kit." This is one intense little kit. The first step involves getting your soil from your garden. It turns out that you have to dig down 6 to 8 inches every three feet and get a spoon-sized sample and place these samples in a cup (in our case a flourescent green beach bucket) to get a "representative sample" of your soil. Then you let your soil dry out on a sheet of paper towel overnight and begin the testing process the next day. Newsflash: our soil is a muddy heap o' goo right now thanks to all the rain we've been having. If you have followed this blog you'll know that we had a deluge of biblical proportions recently and our yard still has not dried out. Turns out this deluge was thanks for newly-formed Tropical Storm Cristobal.

So, Farmer B dug down and brought in a half-bucketfull of dirt, that is so wet that it left a big puddle of water on the table when we dumped it out on the paper towel.
This morning it was my job to change the paper towel under our wet clump o' soil to help it dry out quicker. You know life has changed for you when you're not only changing diapers, but changing your paper towel underneath your soil sample. If the day comes when the soil actually dries out I then get the fun job of picking out all the sticks, rocks, leaves and other non-soil bits that could "skew the testing results", as the instruction manual says. This should be fun because our wet sample appears to be made up of at least 50% random crap and 50% soil. Then I have to use the back of a spoon and crush any lumps larger than a pea. How far of a drive is that soil testing office again?

The urban chicken. Yo.

With all this talk about creating a backyard garden and relying less on the grocery store, I got to thinking about the new hip thing for home- owners this year - urban chickens. I am fascinated with the idea of the urban chicken and have done entirely too much reading up on the topic. First of all you should know that urban chickens are not chickens with a penchant for rap music and hip sense of street fashion. They're chickens that live in the backyards of suburban homes, in the community garden plots of city-dwellers, and anywhere else that is considered atypical.

The move toward sustainability and creating less of a footprint on the planet has people planting gardens and now raising backyard chickens. I like the idea of fresh eggs and I respect the idea of fresh chicken meat and knowing where your food comes from. We raised fancy ducks and ate a few duck eggs in our time, so I have a bit of experience with yard fowl. But there are three issues with urban chickens that I can't get past.

1) Pet hens can live to about age 8 or 10. Some breeds of hens lay for about 2 to 3 years. There's a lot of years between age 3 and age 10 where you have a chicken without a purpose. I know you can still use this chicken's poo as a great composty fertlizer for your garden, but when it comes down to it, you have an eggless poo machine for about 7 years. And since chickens shouldn't live alone, you'll have about 3 eggless poo machines for about 7 years.

2) Once they stop laying a "real" farmer will turn that cute little pet hen into General Tso's chicken. I understand that chickens are what we eat, but from past experience I can tell you that once an animal lives in our house it gets named, and we can't eat named creatures. Our dogs and cats base their lives wiith us on that fact. So although you *should* slaughter the chickens and eat them to show a truly sustainable lifestyle, I'm not sure we could do it. If urban chickens are the new in-thing for sustainable living, what will happen to all these chickens in about 2 to 3 years if other families can't play assassin either? Will the day come when mom goes out back and sees sweet little Petunia the hen come running up for a cuddle...and instead of picking her up and scruffing her cute little hen head, mom re-enacts the whole "here comes the chopper to chop off your head" line from the "Oranges and Lemons" nursery rhyme?? I don't think so. I fear an influx of chickens to humane societies down the road... maybe causing urban chicken rescue centers to be built. Possibly humane societies will turn away the chickens and desperate people will drop off their chickens in the middle of the woods causing an overpopulation of wild ex-urban chickens creating chicken gangs and stalking people in the woods? Think about it.

3) Chickens have got to take some looking after. We had ducks and they took a LOT of time and energy. We loved having them and they made great pets (see Artie relaxing like a baby with Farmer B in the pic), but just making sure they all got put away in their coop at night was a pain. It would get dark, we'd realize we forgot about them, they'd make us chase them all over the yard in the dark herding them like we were deranged sheep dogs. The cleaning out of their duckhouse, the feeding - the watering... it's not a quick process. And try finding a duck (or urban chicken) sitter to look after them while you go on vacation. One time a bobcat killed and ate one of my favorite ducks too...our big male called Jack. It was a very sad day.

So although I'm all about sustainability and we're doing our best starting this garden, I'm not sure the urban chicken is the way to go...although I must admit, I am tempted. Secretly, I'd love to get an eglu and give this chicken thing a shot, but I don't think it's right for us. If you want to learn more about the urban chicken phenomenon, click on the Backyard Farming blog in my blog list off to the right or on any of these links. Yo.

"My Pet Chicken"
"Just Food - City Chickens"
"Bucky Backaw's Backyard Chicken Broadcast"
"Chicken Breeds"
"Chicken Laws - by city"

The Deluge

Rain
I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

~Shel Silverstein

You all may be aware of the four seasons that grace this beautiful country - I've seen pictures of them. They looks so nice. But until you've lived in Florida you will never understand the "real" seasons. We have two seasons here: Hurricane season (6 months of the year) and Tourist season (the other 6 months of the year). These seasons are also known as the hot-as-hell season and the rainy season. Right now we're deep in the glory that is hurricane season, where life is centered around the local meteor- ological yahoos on the news blathering on about low pressure systems and possible circulation and then donning rain slickers and hanging onto palm trees as tropical systems come ashore. So the reason for all this rain we're experiencing now? This never-ending rain? This rain that is flooding our yards and our roads and our ditches? A low pressure system swirling around in the Gulf of Mexico that could turn tropical and is "worth watching" as they like to say. Goooood times. Our garden is a muddy pit of despair and our yard is perfect for skimboarding. The dog is obsessed with drinking muddy water. The boys are continually soaked. And this isn't even a storm worth naming. Welcome to sunny Florida. Pass the umbrella.

Stage 1 complete

The first stage of our garden is complete. The soil is ready to go. The fence is up. The appropriate tools have been purchased (including a pitchfork - just 'cos). So now we sit. And wait. The garden book says that a new garden plot should sit for one month before you plant in it. This is so the magical garden elves and pixies can have their secret ceremonies on the earth, thus creating a bountiful harvest when you plant your veggies. Yeah, I have no clue why it has to sit for a month before we plant, but the Fall planting season in Florida starts in August, so now we just wait. I'm sure this month of waiting will give me plenty of time to pull all the weeds and grass that are going to inevitably sprout thanks to the deluge of rain we've been getting lately. It's rained so much that the frogs have moved in and are trying to overtake the house. We have frogs of biblical proportions right now. But don't fret! I have plenty of garden-related things to talk about in the upcoming days to keep this blog a-hoppin'.

6-6-6 The Evil Vegetables Begin

We haven't done much to the large rectangle o' dirt lately because we've had days of non-stop rain. One of the fun things about Florida summers is the insane thunderstorms that can last hours, flood your yard and if you're lucky ruin at least one major appliance with a power surge. Today was our first day to get outside since the rains didn't come until 7 pm.

Remember earlier I mentioned that our gardening book said "Don't Guess - Test!" and we both agreed that the exclamation point meant we really needed to get our soil tested? Well that was then and this is now. Now I have a man who doesn't read assembly instructions and likes to use power tools and who said "Bah! Soil testing? Bah!" So he bought a bag of Lime and a bag of 6-6-6 fertilizer and got to work today.

He got a little hand-spreader thingy that did not work at all to spread the lime all over the soil. It looked like some sort of biological warfare with this white powdery stuff floating all around the garden, but Farmer B insisted that we must have acidic soil because all his friends have acidic soil. So there. Lime apparently makes your soil less acidic and apparently less acidic is good. Then he spread half a bag of 6-6-6, which is some sort of fertilizer disguised as cheap bird seed. Finally he tilled it in, like a good farmer should. Afterwards we sat back and wondered whether lime and 6-6-6 should actually be put on a garden at the same time... and if not, what sort of horrible mutations that could cause.

What were the boys doing in all this excitement? They found a lone mud puddle in the yard. After splashing around in it for awhile, they decided to get sticks and go fishing in the puddle. That was fun until they realized nothing was biting and my old yellow dog kept standing in it. Then they decided to throw tiny little white flowers in the puddle and make a potion. They were very serious about the potion and said it turns people into bats. This occupied them for about 45 minutes. You know, it's fascinating stuff...being a kid with a puddle or a man with a hand-spreader thingy. I was worn out just watching them.

The Hit List

PBJ Haiku
Peanut plant becomes
Organic peanut butter
Where's the jelly plant?

I have received a few emails from people who want to know what we plan on growing in our large rectangle of dirt. We have drawn out a garden map at the advice of our gardening book, "Vegetable Gardening in Florida." The map shows what we *hope* we can stick in the ground to turn into vegetables. I have separated the garden into five sections that make perfect sense to me and I'm sure this must be how fancy high-falutin' gardeners divide their gardens too:
1) Tall Stuff
2) Spaghetti Sauce
3) Stuff that isn't supposed to grow because it's out of season, but I feel I know better than the gardening book and I'm going to try it anyway.
4) Girly Stuff
5) Kid Stuff

In the Tall Stuff section we're hoping for cucumbers and pole beans. Having something crawl up a vine on a stick just seems fun and cucumbers and pole beans were the only things that sounded edible from the list in the book.

In the Spaghetti Sauce Section we have tomatoes, leeks, bell peppers and zucchini (all ingredients in my favorite homemade spaghetti sauce recipe).

In the Stuff that isn't supposed to grow because it's out of season, but I feel I know better than the gardening book and I'm going to try it anyway section we have sweet potatoes and mint. Sweet Potatoes are supposed to be planted in June - no later! I don't get why this matters since we don't get cold weather here, so I'm going to prove a point and try and grow some in August - gasp! And I've read that mint should be grown indoors in Florida, so I'm planting some outside to see what the big deal is. Apparently it can get out of control. Ha! I have yet to successfully grow a plant, let alone see one get out of control on my watch.

In the Girly Stuff section we have carrots, lettuce, broccoli and herbs. I should be able to sit out there with a bottle of fat-free 1,000 Island and a fork and just forage if I ever get locked out of the house.

In the Kids Stuff section we have things the kids will be interested in, namely peanuts, pumpkin, watermelon and strawberries.

I am well aware that if we cannot find seeds, or seedlings or slips or whatever else you're supposed to stick in the ground to grow the aforementioned veggies, that the list will be modified.

Little Tools

No, not the kids. I'm really talking about their tools. Sheesh. I've learned some important things about getting my boys interested in this large rectangle of dirt that we're calling a garden.
1) Expect them to get dirty. Encourage them to get dirty. Dress for dirt.
2) Give them kid-sized tools. It makes them feel important and they want to help and get involved.
Simple huh?
For starters, our boys each have their own pair of wellies for going out in the garden. The wellies originated because portions of our yard flood when it rains and the wellies kept them dry for playing. They now know that wellies are for working in the garden since it prevents their shoes from getting ruined. All the odd socks floating around in their drawers who have sadly lost their mates get worn inside those wellies. My boys may be wearing one blue Spongebob sock and one red Thomas the Train sock inside those wellies and no one cares.

Each of the boys has their own kid-sized rake. These were super cheap little numbers that Farmer B got at Toys R Us. For about $6 each, these wooden handle rakes work great and look just like the "grown up" rakes that we use. We also bought the boys a Sears Craftsman Mini Utility Shovel. Farmer B got this on sale at Sears for $5. It's a real shovel, but it's the perfect size for the boys to use - it's very heavy duty and isn't designed to be a kid's tool.
I have no idea why an adult would need a small shovel though - maybe to take with you on your ATV for some off-road mini-digging? Who knows?

We also have some great kids gloves, courtesy of Aidan's Aunt Karen. These little green gloves have a praying mantis on them and look scary, which is uber-cool if you're a kid. I found them here at Insect Lore and the price is right at less than $3, currently on sale. The boys also grabbed their buckets and shovels out of the sandbox and have relocated them in the garden. It's all about making sure they know that this big rectangle of dirt is also their rectangle of dirt… so digging and getting down and dirty is the icing on the cake for them.